My Post-Childhood Journey into Music: Part 2: Christmas, Cousin Kevin, There’s a Doctor

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The Christmas scene in Tommy shows him sitting in a circle, but despite being surrounded by friends, is silent and completely withdrawn. This holiday is regarded as being a time of joy and celebration. The same held true for me during my fifth or sixth birthday party. I have a vague memory of crying loudly  after everyone sang Happy Birthday to me. To refer back to Part I, I perceived the inability of adults to help me grieve over the loss of my mother, and find what therapists today call closure, as a continuing cover-up. Since I could not yet comprehend and verbalize how I was feeling, I, like Tommy, became silent and withdrawn. In other words, I could not enjoy the celebration of my birthday without the physical presence of my deceased mother.

During one part of this holiday celebration, we can hear Tommy internally crying, See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. Something similar was happening to me, with the Heal Me being a question of how my mother will continue to live on in other ways.

The Cousin Kevin scene is about Tommy being bullied by a member of his own family. I was bullied in school by fellow classmates. In addition to being insecure, I was also short in height, both of which made me easy prey with other boys.

The emotional trauma I was experiencing, in addition to bullying in school, resulted in testing that revealed I had a learning disability. This is where the There’s a Doctor scene enters. The doctor in the Tommy movie was one who conducted physical tests on the boy. I have a vivid memory of being physically dragged out of the car by my father when we visited a local psychologist. I recall that I was asked to participate in a few exercises, of its purpose I do not know. I do recall that throughout elementary school, I would be taken out of a class in order to participate in various activities by some sort of special education instructor. I remember feeling that something was wrong with me, such as being “dumb” or “stupid” in some way. It was only the fact that I never had to repeat a grade that gave me assurance I had normal intelligence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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